This morning when I went into the bathroom I was ambushed by my reflection. As you can imagine, this came as something of a shock. For one thing, she looked way too tired to pull a stunt like that.
We were still blinking sleep out of our eyes as we leaned towards each other so I could see if that whitening toothpaste was making any kind of a difference, when all of a sudden she punched me in right in the face. I fell back, banged my head on the towel cabinet, and ended up sprawled on the floor. I was still trying to manage something like equilibrium when she climbed right out of the mirror and kicked me in the side of the head.
I woke up tied to a chair at my own kitchen table. My reflection was sitting across from me, eating some breakfast cereal, which was really the last straw.
"Hands off my cornflakes!, you -" I shouted, but my outrage kinda shorted out as I tried to come up with an insult that wouldn't indicate self-loathing or deep personal insecurities.
"Good morning," my reflection said. "Or as good as can be expected, considering." She took a sip of coffee and grimaced in distaste.
"I demand that you untie me and pour me some of that coffee immediately," I said.
"Look, I'm sorry. I think we've been a pretty good team over the years, but you don't know what it's like in there. The ocean levels dropping due to global cooling, economic chaos from everyone having pretty much the same amount of wealth, and the bees - my god, there are so many bees everywhere. It's a nightmare, and I just can't take it anymore. So I decided to come over here to your universe and take your place. I was going to dump you back through the mirror into my world, but if I know me then you'd probably figure out a way back and you'd ruin everything. So I was thinking maybe I should just smother you a with a pillow and dump your body in a river or something. Wait, you've still got rivers here, right?" she asked.
"Oh my god, mirror-universe-me is stupid!" I said, which by that point I felt okay about saying, since we seemed to be opposites in many ways. "That's the best idea you could come up with for disposing of a body?! Don't they have crime shows in your universe? Or do you just just have dramas about everyone obeying the law all the time instead?"
"Look, this is hard for me, okay! I'm not normally a violent person! I don't do well in stressful situations like this!" She kind of half curled into the fetal position in her chair and hid her face in her hands.
Yeah, definitely opposites. By that point I'd already worked my hands free, and as soon as she looked away I flipped the table over onto her. Without the element of surprise she was no match for me in a fight.
I thought about chucking her back through the mirror. I guess that would have made sense in a lot of ways, but I didn't really want something like this happening again. I thought about a variety of alternatives. Man, I really do watch a lot of crime shows. I should cut back on those.
Anyway, it's going to be weird getting used to not having a reflection.